I had a day that afforded me a lot of time for quiet day dreaming, reading and shiva nata.
And…the tire guy isn’t letting me go. And that bit about needing an ally that I concluded yesterday’s post with is still very much on my mind.
In my dream-like musings the tire guy actually seems somewhat maternal. I am struck by the fact that he is large and soft. To embrace him would be to be enveloped by him in a safe and secure hug. And his message…
“You are trying to be something you are not.”
I was so quick to defend against it. So sure that he represented my nemesis. That he wanted to bring me down. Of course, I assumed he was behind my bad habits and was keeping me from healthy peaceful and intimate living.
And now I think the very knee-jerk, defensive reaction is actually a pattern of mine and not at all a reflection of who this tire guy is or represents for me. What if he is in fact already an ally?
Today I read the book, Circle of Stones: Woman’s Journey to Herself
“You are trying to be something you are not.”
Maybe I am. Maybe he means well. Who am I trying to be anyway?
Am I trying to be something? Who am I?
BIG STUFF- I know. Tomorrow I leave with my family for a one week vacation on the beach. I am looking forward to days of ocean breeze, shiva nata on the sand, reading & relaxing with my family. I am not sure how often I will post.
Shiva Nata will continue as will my exploration of tire-guy’s offering. Check back Shivanauts!
Even the question, “Am I trying to be someone I’m not?” will get you closer and closer to the “answer” of being you – all the time, powerfully, beautifully, out-loud, alive. You’re hot in pursuit, Pearl. Can’t wait to hear what your week of time with yourself invites!
Thanks Ronna- a good perspective to hold on to…the question is getting me closer.
I love the question. It makes me question something else: Maybe you are both. External, internal, soft, hard, being, doing, all of it. Maybe you are merging selves. Alter ego, ego, lack of ego???
Have a wonderful vacation. Can’t wait to hear who you become when you are away…
[...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Victoria Brouhard, pearlmattenson and pearlmattenson, Ronna Detrick. Ronna Detrick said: Such an important question! RT @pearlmattenson: Am I trying 2 hard? 2 BE something I am not? http://bit.ly/71vAku [...]